Relationship Wellness for the holiday season

Dec 13

December is often a time of celebration and reflection with family and friends. This time of year may be your favorite, filled with connection, traditions and affection. Or, you may find a bit of dread, unease or longing rising up as the world starts displaying all things Christmas. Or maybe even a bit of both!

Many traditions this time of year involve holiday get-togethers with close friends and family as well as not-so-close people. It can be helpful to reflect on how you would like to spend the time to support yourself and your relationships.

In honor of relationships, here are some ideas to consider to support your wellness this holiday season.

Take time for chosen family - if your family of origin is alive, well, and supportive, cheers! If not, know that how you define family is up to you. Take time to honor and prioritize the people and communities that you can rely on for love, affection and acceptance. You are not alone, both in this life and when it comes to “family.”
Traditions - Take part in rituals that are meaningful. Bodhi Day, Winter Solstice, Kwanzaa, Hanukkah, New Year’s Eve, Christmas and/or create your own with dear friends as well as family.
Disconnect from technology - When you are with others, silence your phone and leave it in your purse or, even better, in airplane mode. If you need to take a moment to scroll (or breathe), give yourself permission to step away or outside for 5 minutes then return a bit more grounded.
Connect face to face - Schedule face-times / skype / zoom sessions with loved ones. We take in a lot of information from faces which allows our nervous systems to settle. Otherwise it is working overtime scanning for safety cues, and in the absence of visual data the nervous system typically fills in the gaps with unpleasant assumptions. Hearing the voice of a loved one is great, seeing their unique expressions is even better!
Start and end times - Know that you can decide when to arrive and leave functions. Consider your energy level and emotional state; let that guide you in setting limits with yourself and others. Let your family / friends know when you will arrive and leave so they know your plans as well (and are less likely to make assumptions about being late and/or leaving early).
Partner up - If you have an ally with you for functions, talk about your needs and plans ahead of time so you can support each other this season.
Focus on the basics - Get plenty of sleep and consider packing snacks - When the body is stressed we abandon our Social Engagement system (our ability to cooperate, trust, be open and have positive expectations). No need to bring hanger and sleep deprivation to the holiday party.
Say No - Practice a few ways of delaying your response and declining invitations ahead of time. Having go-to scripts will help support you in the moment. A few to try are: “Thank you for thinking of / including me, let me check my calendar and get back with you.” “That sounds fun but no, I won’t be able to join you.” “I am pretty full at the moment and don’t want to overextend myself, when do you need to know if I will be there?”
Don’t forget yourSelf - Schedule a day or afternoon / evening exclusively for yourself. Give yourself permission to do whatever will nourish your body, mind and soul. Treat it as you would any other event or engagement on your calendar. Invest in building and maintaining the relationship with yourSelf however that looks for you! (Refer back to "say no" for tips on creating space for yourself)